This weekend was a yoga training weekend. (We are about half way through the actual class meetings. I’m nowhere near completing my hours though.) I look forward to these weekends so much. Getting together with fellow yogi’s. Chanting. Om-ing. Doing the hardest asana practice I’ve done since last time we met. Learning. Learning. Learning. So much learning.

This weekend we studied upward facing backbends. With the biggie being Urdhva Dhanurasana or Upward Facing Bow. I used to do this pose all the time as a kid. When I was soft and playful and really open. Before I knew yoga even existed. It was nothing. And I guess I haven’t done it in a long time. Because when we were getting closer to this pose, I started to get really fearful. And I did not expect it. This emotion totally took me by surprise.

We practiced first with props. Bending over chairs. Bolsters. Blocks. Really supported. We even did an assisted one with straps that was really cool. But I was the last to go because I was so nervous. When it came to doing the pose on our own – no props, I was smacking up against my fear big time. It was right up in my face, and I felt like I was going to burst into tears at any moment. I had that tightness in my throat that you get when you are holding back emotion. And tightness in the throat and Upward Bow do not mix. Bow is all about opening… the heart… the throat… the whole front body. It’s a very expansive pose and is supposed to build confidence and energy to the point that you feel like you’re flying.

And here I was feeling tight and nervous and, well, stupid because I was feeling all those other things.

Needless to say, I couldn’t push up into the pose. My arms didn’t have it in them. But really, I know it was because I was holding onto my fear and sadness. I couldn’t let it go.

I was really disappointed and it darkened the remainder of the day. I clammed up and didn’t contribute anything in the class discussion. I took notes silently. I didn’t volunteer to be the guinea pig like I normally would’ve. I just felt sad and like I was a failure. I even came home that night and cried over something completely trivial.

The sadness about the whole situation is gone now. But I’ve been noticing my fear has stuck around. I am seeing lots of things I’m afraid of when it comes yoga that I have been hesitant to admit or give too much thought to. For instance: I don’t know how I will ever be able to get in front of a class and teach this stuff. I’m so afraid I’ll be a terrible teacher. I’m afraid of speaking in public and being in front of people. I’m afraid I won’t find my own voice.

I’m afraid that because other people have so much more knowledge and experience than me and are further along on their yogic path, that it’s pointless for me to talk about or try to articulate my own understandings. I’m afraid that I’ll never feel my wholeness and know myself well enough to be a clear channel for my potential students. I’m afraid this is just a pipe dream.

See? So much fear. How do I get ahold of this and start to bring light to it? I don’t know. Keep practicing?

Did I have this much fear as I was starting illustration?

*note to self: I know you will one day bust through all this. And when you do, I want you to come back to this post and acknowledge how far you’ve come. Acknowledge your work. And honor how you conquered your fear.

I mentioned before that I am going to be in New Hampshire this fall at the Pixie Sessions at Squam Art Workshops, teaching classes and enjoying a retreat at beautiful Squam Lake… I am really excited about this because I am co-teaching with my dear friend Christine AND I am bringing along my little family… (And I’m so much more comfortable with my clan around, so I am hoping to let down my hair a little more this time around.) :)

The Pixie Sessions is a four day retreat that is all about family and creativity and camping. And integrating all of those into a big ball of goodness. It’s a place where you can go for solo classes if you wish, and also take classes with your bambino. Or you can just be and enjoy the area… fishing, boating, swimming, reading. I won’t say there’s “something for everyone” because I don’t believe in crap like that. But there’s a lot going on for creative mamas and papas and kiddos. And I do think it’ll be fun and inspiring.

I am teaching Printmaking, Mixed Media Journaling and Illustration. Click here for my teaching schedule.

On Monday Squam opened early registration. It’s all by mail and you can find out everything you’d like to know here.

I hope to see some of you there!

Another quick press related post:

A book recently came out with an extensive interview with me (in German!). It was a Q&A with Claudia Herling spanning four spreads. The book is called Illustration Index and is fashioned after the Index series available in the US (books like Type Idea Index, Design Essentials Index, and Color Index). The interview was conducted in English, but translated into German.

It was a standard interview with questions like “What are your favorite projects to work on?” (Answer, in short: I have been loving experimenting with type.); “How did you become an illustrator?” (Answer: I was an art director first and started doing illustration on the side to establish clients.); “I love your color choices. They seem to play a big part in your work.” (Answer: I think color is my area of expertise. I use color blocks to help establish mood and composition in a piece.)

The interesting thing is that most of the illustrators featured in the book are living in Germany. I was very flattered that they included my work as an example of art created in the US. I picture all the German people reading this and scratching their heads wondering where in the world is “Indiana, USA”.

Another quick press related post:

A book recently came out with an extensive interview with me (in German!). It was a Q&A with Claudia Herling spanning four spreads. The book is called Illustration Index and is fashioned after the Index series available in the US (books like Type Idea Index, Design Essentials Index, and Color Index). The interview was conducted in English, but translated into German.

It was a standard interview with questions like “What are your favorite projects to work on?” (Answer, in short: I have been loving experimenting with type.); “How did you become an illustrator?” (Answer: I was an art director first and started doing illustration on the side to establish clients.); “I love your color choices. They seem to play a big part in your work.” (Answer: I think color is my area of expertise. I use color blocks to help establish mood and composition in a piece.)

The interesting thing is that most of the illustrators featured in the book are living in Germany. I was very flattered that they included my work as an example of art created in the US. I picture all the German people reading this and scratching their heads wondering where in the world is “Indiana, USA”.

I was the guest artist for this joy+ride January 2010. I created an animation along with an art piece for my submission. This project also doubled as my thesis for my yoga teacher training.

Click here to see the whole thing.

This project was one project that I LOVED working on.

First Read supports family literacy and education in poor communities around the world.

It offers an innovative way of working directly with families to expand and improve early chilhood care and education. First Read also supports improvements in the literacy and other skills of the participating parents and carers, including their ongoing ability to support their children’s learning.

Good cause, right?

Well, First Read came to me asking for a logo. They were looking for an illustrated piece, but the more thought I put into it, the more I thought that a truly designed vector logo was the way to go. They had to appeal to a broad audience (sponsors, authorities, consumers, etc) so I created a logo that would be timeless, could resize easily and be formatted in different ways for different materials… (First Read is starting off in Africa, so I thought the elephants made sense. Plus, elephants keep their young near for a very long time, so they seemed like a good animal to embrace the thought behind First Read. I wanted the parent to somehow connect to the little one through reading.)

After creating the logo, I just couldn’t stop. So I went ahead and designed their identity package including business cards,  letterhead, envelopes, book marks, and website. It was a great project. (I miss design, can you tell?!)

The logo:

Then onto business cards:

And bookmarks:

And finally, website: (Click image to visit site.)

It was painted! I saw in the paper that freelance artist Carl Leck donated his time to paint the school mural I designed. I think it looks great. yay! :)

Click here to see the design itself.

Four of my pieces were chosen for 3X3 Magazine’s Illustration Annual No.6! One received a bronze! Check out the Press page to see them.

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Sorry for these last few short posts. I’ve been scrambling to knock things off my list during short nap times… :)

Four of my illustrations were chosen for the 6th annual 3×3 Awards book. One received a bronze! I’m very honored to be in this book alongside very talented artists.

Four of my illustrations were chosen for the 6th annual 3×3 Awards book. One received a bronze! I’m very honored to be in this book alongside very talented artists.