The Plan
August 21, 2008
I read something the other day that said “act as if you know what’s going on. as if you are divinely guided. believe that you are always at the right place at the right time and everything you do and everything that happens is orchestrated for your higher growth.”
And I tossed it over my shoulder into my backpack just like every other thing that I read that day.
But it resurfaced this morning as I woke up before dawn and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I thought about all my desires, needs, pushing for something specific to take place. About everything that’s taken place in the last couple of months. And about how upset I can get about something happening or not happening.
This is attachment. And my attachment currently is this house we are supposed to close on next week. There is a problem with finding a mortgage because the house is so unique. And it’s out of my hands, yet it keeps me up and I feel panic about it.
Why? Because I feel I need it. But what would happen if I didn’t get it? If we can’t find a mortgage and the house just slipped away? Nothing. We’d look for something else and move on with our lives. (That was hard to write.)
And here’s where that quote comes in: what if this situation were divinely guided? If I were to just trust that whatever happens with the house is what was supposed to happen? That it’s all orchestrated for my higher growth? (Even something as trivial as a house.)
I guess the opposite train of thought would be total anarchy… no reason for anything… all random acts that don’t ever add up. And I think even that leads me back to the same place: Either way, I don’t have control over it. And I never did. So why not just let it happen without grasping?
I talked to a friend yesterday who was very upset that her daughter didn’t get into an art class because she is a bit too young. But, I thought, what if that was meant to be too, according to a divine plan? Maybe this little girl would have been intimidated by the older kids and decided that her art stunk in comparison and it squelched her artistic spirit before it even had a chance to flourish? Maybe when she does start, in another year or so, she’ll be inspired and nurtured and all will be perfect?
Another friend of mine has a specific timeline in her head about when she is supposed to get married, have kids, etc. But none of it is happening according to her plan. And it’s hard for her. But that might be divinely guided too… maybe the universe is whipping up some awesome scenario that delivers more than she could have imagined? Or maybe she is growing into herself as a way to be whole and solid for when the time is right. Who knows?
Even Tom losing Alison. It seems to make no sense whatsoever. Why someone so young and beautiful died so early because of a stupid disease that couldn’t be controlled. Maybe even that was part of the divine plan too. (I don’t have any potential good reasons to throw out there… it’s beyond me. But that’s where faith comes in. Faith that this plan is so big it even includes death.)
I think everything could fit under this umbrella. From the tiniest upsets to the hugest losses. And all the good stuff too — an unwarranted stroke of good fortune. Things working out in a way you’d hoped, or would have hoped, if only you’d known. It’s all part of it.
So where am I going with all this? I guess I’m just trying to act as if I know what’s going on. To do what I reasonably can and let the rest go and detach. To have faith. And to step back and realize that I don’t have control. Never did. Never will. And be ok with that. Trust that we are all in the right place at the right time.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:49 am
I think what you are talking about is the same thing as believing that all things happen for a reason. You might not know the reason at first, but when you find out the reason it all falls into place. As you know, that is my life right now. I am in Mexico… Not my choice, not my plan, but I try to be ok with it and believe that it is for some reason. I think that is how we cope with things. Obviously when it is something good, it is not questioned. But when the opposite happens, we always want to know why this, why me? Even thought I think it is for comfort, I do believe in it…ALL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. Just bite your lip and try to go with the flow. That is how we grow.
I miss you and love reading your blogs daily. You are looking mighty cute with that bean bump you have growing.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:37 am
Hi Penelope! I’ve been a fan of your art for awhile now. I love what you wrote above. Since we’re total strangers can I ask a way personal question? ;D What are your thoughts on Jesus? I found Him when I was 28, I’ll be 34 next week. Best six years of my life, but I still struggle with the Whys? and How comes? I love how I can be totally inspired from your blog and not even know if you have a relationship with Him or not. Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Congratulations on the baby and many many good wishes and prayers for your house situation.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:26 am
It’s true. Thank you for being a reminder of divinity and enabling a good hand to be reached out to me this morning.
Keep creating and expressing, it makes the world a better place; bringing us closer to divinity.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:53 am
I believe there is no luck, no chance. I believe in blessings and in divine guidance. Jumping in with Natalie… I find that when I trust God, things work out in ways I’d never imagined. And when I try to wrestle the controls back (which is a constant struggle with me), my life gets more difficult.
And one more note: when you feel tired, remind yourself that you are CREATING constantly - you’re growing a baby! :) Someone told me that when I was pregnant and it made me feel way less frustrated.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:25 am
mmm….this really hit home.
happy thursday girlie.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:55 am
The above rang too true for me as well. So often I find myself struggling against the current just to find that things would have been exactly the same had I just sat back, relaxed and enjoyed the ride. Being a pagan, I put my trust in the hands of my own Gods and the Faits, and thank them each day for the blessings that have somehow found me in spite in myself.
Change is difficult and sometimes painful but universally inevitable, *growth* is key.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:29 am
I feel similar lately. I’ve had some bumps in my road and I’m feeling sorry for myself, I think. But what if it’s part of the plan to have bumps. What if they aren’t really bumps. What if I’m supposed to learn something from the rocky road. (Mmm. Rocky Road.)
I but I should just type up that entry I wrote in my journal and post it to my blog, instead of being sulky.
I think sometimes we also need to let go of what we expect and accept what we have. Expect/Accept. They are so close, yet so different, no?
August 21st, 2008 at 10:29 am
I’d offer just a mild counterpoint–a caution. …I hesitate to think of things as a divine plan — it complicates free will, which we certainly have (i believe) and which we must keep actively practicing. too often relying on the concept of a “divine plan” turns into an excuse–and for people who are hurting it can be used as too easy and unsatisfactory an answer for their pain. …however I try to keep an openness (fo lack of abetter word) to the way things unfold… and this, I think, is similar to the comfort of a “divine plan” — it’s the understanding that things can get screwed up without breaking you–things unfold, and you find yourself in the unfolding–and you act–and moe unfolds. the acting can take the form of resistance though.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:51 am
Thanks for writing that, and for being inspriring in a way I needed today. I wish you well with your letting go.
August 21st, 2008 at 11:04 am
I have been going through this for a few months. Learning to let go and have unwavering faith. Easier said than done, because we think WE are in control of what happens, but we are not ever, are we? Your post today is a reminder of that and it makes me feel good that I am growing…I am learning to trust. I am learning to not question my faith. Like you said, this is all devinely guided. What a ride we are on!
August 21st, 2008 at 11:24 am
I have been reading your post for a while…and all I can say is you hit the nail on the head. We are here on this journey, and we get to make lots of choices…but some things, we just can’t choose…so we get to choose to have faith. Attitude. perspective. peace. trust. Thanks so much for this post! This has been on my mind a lot lately as well…ps: where did you get that quote??
xoxo
sarah jane
August 21st, 2008 at 12:05 pm
BEAUTIFUL illustration. one of my favorites I’ve seen from you so far. I love the texture in the sky and just everything about it.
The rest makes for a real interesting read. And I’d like to buy into it… but man, I think it’s dangerous (and perhaps a bit crazy) to start looking for patterns and sense out of the chaos of life and calling it “divine.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magical_thinking
August 21st, 2008 at 1:14 pm
wonderful post. such a big theme in my life right now too. it’s really about the journey, not the destination (or the goal, or the thing we think we want). easier said than done, of course.
August 21st, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Thank you for this insight.
August 21st, 2008 at 1:52 pm
we are SO on the same wavelength right now.
your post is simply too perfect.
it was just what i needed to hear (and believe!)
August 21st, 2008 at 2:44 pm
IMHO, I don’t think that things ever really go according to plan. I’ve learned to roll with the punches and am beginning to savor the good things when they do happen. It’s a MUCH better way to go about life! =)
August 21st, 2008 at 4:28 pm
This was really nice, thanks.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:10 pm
So when you stop fighting against the waves and let them wash over you, do you sink? Do you swim? Do you float? You do it all. Unless you are the Ocean.
Someone very wise beyond her time shared that with me–snapped me out of misery.
It’s fear that pushes us to control.
Faith that sets us free. You are doing it.
xxoo
August 21st, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Your posting made me think of the magnet that is on the side of my fridge:
“Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about now knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity…” -Gilda Radner
I truly strive for the day when I can truly find ambiguity to be fascinating. I’m afraid that day still seems a long way off!
August 22nd, 2008 at 1:57 am
You got me this time…tears falling with mixed emotions. Part hope, part fear, part numbness, part anger, part excitement, all depending on how I decide to perceive and interpret my circumstances and “prognosis.”
It has been so refreshing to read your blogs daily again, and to be reminded of how similar we are sometimes in how we think, feel, act - maybe that’s why I like you so much! :) This one hit home and I’m sure you know why. I teach people all day long about challenging cognitive distortions and negative thought patterns, and yet I often forget how much more easily it is said than done. Thanks for putting it in laymen’s terms.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers - may you continue to love the life you lead instead of resenting a life that’s leading you. You can’t always be in control, but your character and degree of contentment in life are molded by and contingent upon how you deal with the curve balls. I’d say you’ve been thrown a few, and you’re still swinging. Remember to count your blessings. That’s what pulls me through. Becoming an aunt soon is pretty high up on my list :) Keep the bump pix coming & take care of yourself.
xoxo,
YSIL
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:31 am
Great illustration. Good thoughts for a Friday - Friday’s always leave me restless, I much prefer Mondays… I think it’s good practice for upcoming motherhood to think that way as well. So much is already out of your hands, and soon much more will be - better to give things your best efforts then just sit back and see how it all turns out. I’m hoping that the mortgage situation works out for you.
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:16 am
Wonderful post. I struggle with letting go, I tend to become consumed with my desire to control, which leads me right into what we call at my house “a frenzy of worry”, which solves absolutely nothing. I’ve read a couple of great books lately and I’m consciously making a effort to let it all go, send my worries out, to God, and then trust. It’s hard, but I’m getting better.
The amazing thing is, how well things are going since I’ve been doing that. I hope things work out well for you, too.
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:59 am
It is very difficult to let go of things that are not in your control…
For me, faith is like patience. They are both a virtue, but at the same time, are very difficult to handle. If that makes any sense…
Congratulations on your baby and best wishes.
I didn’t know how to word it before in re: to Alison and your pregnancy, but, I see it as God bringing home an angel, and delivering one on Earth…
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:21 am
I don’t know what to say. I haven’t visited IF or your blog in a very long time, mainly because of my new role of motherhood which I stepped into last year… CONGRATULATIONS and best wishes on the little bean inside you… enjoy every moment of pregnancy - I look back on it fondly, but I wish I’d taken the time to savor it more.
And about Alison… I am so deeply sorry. The loss of a loved one, especially one so young, is something so unfair that it can shake the strongest of spirits… your post was thoughtful and inspiring and I wish you all the best.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
I have *needed* to read something like this for a good two weeks, now. Thank you, thank you. xoxo.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:37 am
Personally I think that its okay to feel upset if you can’t control everything but you shouldn’t let it stop you. I feel the same way about being insecure–be angry or sad about it if you need to be just don’t let it stop you. Keep going. One day it might just fly off like that annoying flyer on your windshield.
About your might-be house, I know how you feel. I got outbid on every apartment I tried to buy and it really got me down. One of my co-workers told me that sometimes when you wonder why the whole universe seems to be against you–maybe its not. Maybe its doing you a favor by letting you know that something isn’t right. Good luck!!
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
It sounds like you’re reading “the work” by Byron Katie? I haven’t read any of her books but I listned to her on Ophera’s radio and this is what she was talking about, on one level. check it out and take care Penelope!
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Some fodder for me to think about. Thanks for this.
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:03 am
I am sitting here at my computer feeling immensely mixed up, foolish, and like I’ve been living in a vacuum. I hadn’t checked your blog in some time and just learned of Alison’s death and of your pregnancy. I am so sorry and so happy in one giant bundle. My heart to you and your family.
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:27 am
There have been times in my life when that was all I had - faith that the reason I was losing something or not getting something or going through something difficult was because something greater lay beyond where I was at that moment of struggle. I have learned to believe in it, even when it doesn’t make sense.
August 24th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
This is how I’ve made peace with life ~ and looking back it always makes sense to me, and it always feels like if I give in and go with the flow of it, life actually may have my best interest at heart.
August 25th, 2008 at 9:11 am
I found two really great quotes about God’s plan when I was reading a few days ago. I thought they fit this post perfectly and they really spoke to me.
“The real issue in life is not the search for God’s will; it is the search for God.The issue in faith is not knowing what God is doing, rather knowing that God knows what he is doing. The issue of faith is seekign God’s presence, not God’s plan for my life, because there is no plan outside of my knowing him.” - Mike Y”oconelli
“For I know the plans I have for you,” Declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Just as I was seeking to renew faith in my life here comes this post.
Thank you for reminding us - I personally do believe in a life of purpose.