painting poo.
November 20, 2007
My Sacred Life: Day 12
Yesterday rushed by and I ran out of time to finish my work. So last night I stayed up and painted into the night. Only to paint the biggest piece o’ poo I’ve ever seen.
So in a fit of anger, I shredded it and slammed it in the trash. And then stormed off to bed, pulled the covers over my head and cursed myself to sleep. Rackin’ frackin’ art. I suck. I’ve been fooling everyone that I can do this. I suck. I suck. I suck.
Lovely night.
So how does this relate to my sacred life? where is my moment of grace?
The moment of grace is this: This morning I get to START OVER.
A redo. Apple Z. Game on.
I feel just a little better this morning. It’s a new day. And I realize that it’s only one day in many. This too shall pass. (and also… not every piece has to go to the portfolio. Not every piece is beautiful… and that is totally OKAY.)
So now I have to go work (it’s due in a few hours). Fingers crossed that I don’t suck today. :)
November 20th, 2007 at 7:41 am
yay! to a new day!
November 20th, 2007 at 8:10 am
Bad days are great reminders of why good days are so good. Can’t wait to see you!
November 20th, 2007 at 8:40 am
I bet you didn’t suck. But I understand what you mean, I have tons of hidden canvases with super furous x’s on them and shredded papers and it’s funny how angry we get at ourselves for not being perfect. I’m trying to get to a place where I never throw out a single piece of art that I make because it allows me to see the progress that I am making. I am one of those perfectionist procrastinators which REALLY doesn’t get me very far sometimes….LOL. You are an inspiration to me and I thought you should know that. Your work keeps me going. Here’s to many more brand new days! xoxo
November 20th, 2007 at 8:42 am
ummmm ok I meant to say furious not furous, although furous seems like a pretty decent word. Still…..oooh I hate it when I make typo’s…..
November 20th, 2007 at 9:29 am
Oh man, that was hard to watch. But I knew you’d triumph this morning… and I knew you didn’t suck.
(And like Veronica said, I end up saving everything I do. It’s just hard to justify deleting a Text document, you know? It takes up, like, a squillionth of a sliver of space on the hard drive, and even if you DO trash it, there’s always that nagging suspicion that it’s still somewhere inside the computer. The closest I get to furious X-es is keyboard gibberish typed after a particularly clunky sentence: “It was a dark and stormy fdskfdjfadlkjf sfjfjksldfjkl;ls!”
November 20th, 2007 at 10:38 am
it’s comforting to know that even someone as talented as you can have these fits of doubt. thanks for the continued inspiration even though thats probably not what you meant. :)
rock on!
November 20th, 2007 at 10:59 am
I know just how you feel! When I start feeling that way I cut off my sculptures’ heads. Sort of childish but it works for me (harder to do with a painting).
Good luck! Go get that painting! You know you can.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:51 am
oh my, you ARE human after all. some friends of mine and i used to have “art-burning” parties, and OH! the fire was high. hehe. and boy it felt good to let go and know we ALL had sucky moments. good thing it’s all in passing.
November 21st, 2007 at 12:10 am
That’s exactly it…”fingers crossed that I don’t suck today”…it’s that scary uncontrollable thing about being creative with a deadline. I never EVER know if the good stuff is going to flow out of me, or otherwise, a bunch of poo! But also, often I find (after I’ve calmed down a little!) that the “poo” was a neccessary step to get to the “non-poo”, you know? So have a happy “non-poo” day!
November 21st, 2007 at 12:23 am
…the sucky bits make you appreciate the non-sucky bits much better in life!
…but, by the way, in the general scheme of things it really doesn’t seem that you suck! :) heehee, it’s making me giggle using that word - ’suck’, as it’s not one that my british english is much used to!
anyhow, ‘hope things went more merrily in the ‘take two’ of it all!
November 21st, 2007 at 1:54 am
I’m keeping my finger crossed that it went well. I’m sure it did :)
November 21st, 2007 at 6:14 am
When you start thinking you suck, think about the Target gift card that is sitting on the shelves in Target stores across the country, with countless people snapping them up. Sucky artists don’t do that.
November 21st, 2007 at 9:19 am
Nobody’s perfect. Anyway, you can’t progress without making some mistakes. We all think your work’s great!
November 21st, 2007 at 11:12 am
Hee Hee the funny thing is what you think is awfull….for us less gifted it would have been awsome…..Have a great Thanksgiving and think of me slaving away at the Post office…and not seeing family (feeling guilty yet???????) Love you MOM
November 23rd, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I hear you! I just got done having a month of hating everything I created. Hate that when it happens. here’s to a better painting day!
November 26th, 2007 at 6:32 am
that piece of shredded poo in the trashbin seems to be smiling just a bit…