a setback or a sunrise?
July 25, 2007
(piece for Balt Sun, mixed media)
I got back from my mom’s on Monday afternoon and have been hustling to get caught up since. Funny how quickly those emails can pile up. The trip was really wonderful. It’s always a re-centering and a more objective look at things when I hang out with my mom. A little like x-ray vision into my life.
Yesterday though, I got some disappointing news. I have been illustrating a column for the Baltimore Sun for about 2 years now (a long time!) and yesterday they called and said that they had to make some budget cuts and were discontinuing that column. They plan to merge it into a different section of the paper and just use author mugshots like most other stories (boring!).
I was pretty bummed. I loved working with them… Not only was it a great opportunity to hone my skills and try different things within my style (they gave me a lot of freedom), it was the closest thing I’ve had to steady income since I quit my job almost three years ago. I could always depend on those paychecks. So that stinks.
At first I felt a little exposed and nervous… I flopped around and took a nap, not knowing what to do with the bad feelings. I thought: what if this was the start of the fall of my career? What if I didn’t get any more jobs now and had to go back to working for someone else? Was it my fault?
But over the next day or so I was able to step back a little bit (after emailing a friend and calling my brother for some support) and let a little light in. Maybe this is actually a good thing in disguise. I am not tied down to this weekly obligation any longer. So maybe this is a way to free up to allow something better to come in. It wasn’t my choice, but maybe it was time.
I dunno. I’m still trying to think hopeful thoughts about the universe delivering something new/better/different. I am trying to be open and patient.
Until then though, I have a few days of my week back to enjoy the summer… take Vince for a little longer walk, sit outside and breathe some summer air… just be.
Maybe what feels like a setback is actually a good thing.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Hi Lope! I’m a firm believer in ‘things that happen are meant to happen’. I believe it’s always for the better. Thinking positively is the best thing to do, though it’s hard not to worry. I applaud your reaction. You let yourself think the bad stuff, but rallied and are doing the perfect thing by being “open and patient”! :)
July 26th, 2007 at 4:56 am
wow,that’s weird, your stuff for Balt. was so good too, they don’t know what they’re giving up. But something better will come along, maybe Hallmark or Target !
July 26th, 2007 at 7:14 am
It always seems like the art is the first to go in budget cuts! I wouldn’t take it personally. All the accountant can see is dollar signs and unfortunately they’re a tough crowd to persuade otherwise. Keep your chin up! You are so talented that I’m sure you won’t be slow for too long.
July 26th, 2007 at 7:51 am
I wouldn’t worry too much about that Penelope, your work is great - everyone knows it and you’ll get more!
I know what it’s like to kind of worry about not having something steady (hence, my p/t job at the doctor’s office - bleah) but I think that It will open you up for more work! Ps. Love the spider…hehe!
July 26th, 2007 at 8:29 am
Didn’t realize it the first time I read this, but what an appropriate accompanying image! An evocative visual representation of (manageable) uncertainty… good choice!
What are you, like, an illustrator or something?
July 26th, 2007 at 10:10 am
Uncertainty scares me, too. You are an evocative, fresh, and thoughtful artist in many mediums, including nontraditional art mediums, like “thinking” and “sharing”. That’s super obvious in everything you post here. I think all you need to do is to put out there (like you’ve already done), “I’m ready for something more!” and it’ll come right to you. That’s what happens when talent, passion, and a generous spirit collide. You get it back in new and exciting way. I promise! (Will you remind me of this the next time I feel uncertain and nervous? Thanks.)
July 26th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Hi Penelope,
I’m betting you’ll be looking back at this post in a month or two thinking ‘what was I ever worried about?’
Maybe this is just the universe’s way of giving you a little more time to work on your beautiful solo show piece’s!
Cheers,
Jonathan
P.S. - I love the bear in this illo by the way :)
July 26th, 2007 at 11:28 am
Thank you all for the kind words of support. Means a lot to me. :)
July 26th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Baltimore Sun-Bums
July 26th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Hi Penelope,
Your blog has given so much hope and light to other artists; at last we can shine some back your way. As an older art-worker (always hand to mouth) I can assure you that what we specialize in is creating new solutions. You are well loved and your work is strong; you will fill the time that has been freed with something wonderful. Really.
xoxo
Judy
July 26th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
I work for a newspaper too as an illustrator. I don’t know if I feel fortunate by having a position that is tied to an editorial-like column that generates income for the company- it certainly does not challenge me enough creatively. I see all the creative editorial art less and less- BORING (it’s gotta be bad for sales ultimatly) I’m tring to get over to the other side and be a “real” full time illustrator where I can really give what I’ve got to give- ya know!
Anyway, what I wanted to express, with regards to this issue, stepping back and seeing what is happening to Newspapers is soooooo sad- yes, so much wonderful art (such as yours) is getting chopped. I see Newspapers as getting less and less inspiring as far as what us artists have to contribute to the health of our culture. How can us gentle artists souls explain that people need creativity in their lives and in their daily dose of news and has gotta be more important than so much pop culture and gossip!!!!!! Maybe- things will turn around for Newspapers when they transition to more online stuff and the art will come back!
I think there are new avenues coming your way too! It is a secure feeling to have a steady gig- but perhaps where the papers are creating a BIG void- the need for creativity will pop up in more and more unexpected places! Keep on Rockin girl!
July 26th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
while I totally understand your sadness around this change, I love that you are embracing the possibilities of new and prosperous adventures ahead. I can’t wait to see what enfolds for you!
July 27th, 2007 at 12:18 am
Sorry to hear that. If I had the money, I would buy up all your pieces, and if I was better connected, I would recommend your work all over Europe. I adore what you’re doing.
July 27th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Gosh, I am going through something very similar. Last week, not only did I find out that a line of books I designed for is coming to an end (a good steady gig that gave a me a paycheck besides my illustration), there was a huge illustration project with a huge budget I was counting on, falling through. I didn’t know I was going to take it as hard as I did, but I was pretty bummed about it. Like what was going through your mind, I was thinking if I needed to go back to working for someone else (SOB!) or if the last year and a half was just a fantasy and now I am back to a harsh reality.
However, I do believe this means the universe is opening a door to something new. This week, I got a wonderful illustration project thats a nice replacement to the other one that fell through. So we just keep our head up with this freelancing life of ours, we’ll be alright. You are super talented, another fabulous opportunity awaits!
July 27th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
i think you are handling it well - frees you up for your next big wonderful opportunity. which knowing you, will be very soon.
xo
susan
July 30th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Boy Howdy! Did I speak too soon!
I made the previous comment about the state of Newspapers and the drying up of creativity…. Guess what? Just an hour ago, I (my position) got chopped as an illustrator! Wow!
They offered me a position to build Ads- we all know how fun that is! But, it is income for now ’till I figure out my next move!
You know, I actually feel a neat kind of energy! Hope it’s gonna pull me right on to something better. I have been ready for a change!
Wish me luck! I have a fine art show to focus on coming up in September!
Delia
July 30th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Something will be around the corner for you! Are you going to Tom’s ceremony? Please take some pictures and post them okay Miss you, MOM
July 30th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner…
It’s ok to mourn the loss of the client/project/job, I’m glad you’re taking time for yourself right now. The first thing that came to mind after reading this entry was a corny line from “The Sound of Music,” which I shall paraphrase a bit: “Whenever the Universe closes a door, she always opens a window.”
The unknown… scary but exciting… what will that window be? What next? What are we making room for here? Sit tight, keep weeding. xo
July 31st, 2007 at 12:26 pm
I’ll keep you in my thoughts… if there’s an illustrator who deserves to make a living at this, certainly it’s you. I just love your style and wish I’d get an illustration-web job that would suit you so we could work together. Take heart. I’m sure things will turn around soon.
August 1st, 2007 at 3:32 pm
you are freakin awesome…
all good things always
in all ways
(even if ya can’t see it right now)
universe has ALWAYS got your back, bebe!
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:00 am
I’ve decided that “setbacks” no longer exist ~ Because, now that I’m old and wise :) - I look back on my life and see that everything always works out, even the “setback” times. I just like to believe that those times are always making room for more “good” stuff”! And it’s deciding to look at life this way that gives me a whole lotta peace about everything… on most days. You’re already doing great and you’ll continue without a doubt!
August 10th, 2007 at 11:32 am
just saw this today:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/greenwellies/1066881677/