Subscribewinter
I have been railing against winter since we moved back up north. I guess in my short two years in the south, I’d forgotten how much I dislike being cold. I have a really hard time with it… I feel it to my bones… and I’ve been letting thoughts of “why did we move back to a place with dreadful winters” just run me over.
Yesterday morning I woke up at 4am and just laid in bed with my eyes closed feeling sad, wishing that I was still back in my old southern house… picturing the layout of the rooms, hearing the birds sing outside the window, and imagining that we’d never moved. And I realized that this was probably not really healthy for me to pining in this way and allowing myself to be totally consumed by what was. So I sent up a little prayer to be able to let it go and enjoy what I have now instead. And then I actively forced myself to be in the moment.
And in the moment I actually felt nice and warm. My fingers were warm. My toes. I was lying in a comfortable bed. The space heater humming. My sleeping husband next to me… I could hear his calm, steady breath. And I started to feel gratefulness lapping over the coarse longings. Like waves coming in and washing away a drawing in the sand.
I felt grateful that I have a house to live in, even if it always feels a bit too cold. That in a few months we’ll be able to open all the windows and sit outside on the porches. That winter will indeed pass and we’ll be able to walk down to the beach and sit by the lake or walk around the park comfortably. I felt grateful that I am so loved and well taken care of by my husband. That soon the baby will be in my arms and my body will feel like my own again. That I can join my mom at the Y any night of the week to go swimming or walk around the indoor track. That I can take my sister out for her birthday instead of just calling.
And a little sun rose in my chest.
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I like what Shari is doing: taking photos of reasons to love winter (also part of this flickr pool)… a way to celebrate the season.
hello sunshine–
Winter can be hard. I struggle with the darkness, the consistent bitter cold. Sometimes I have a tough time warming up, too. I think its important to not let winter kick your ass, but kick it back. We always say around here not to let the weather affect our day to day lives, even when its -35C. I wear extra socks, toques, scarves and snow pants indoors. Go outside and explore the ice, snow and sparklies :) Love the seasonal changes because the change in environment outside can help us change and grow on the inside. Love to you…
wonderful message and reminder to be in the moment. we forget sometimes that things are not quite as bad as we make them out to be.
You hit on something that can be true of anything in your life. At any one moment there will be things you don’t like and you have to remember to find the things you do like to get past it. Whether it is your location (ME, ME, ME) or your station in life, you can always look for the positives to help with those negatives. I am glad you found the positives! Keep on looking.
You are always such an inspiration for me on how to live life. I have always hated winter, but never really gave myself a chance to like it. I guess I don’t even have to like it, I should just try to be at peace with it and realize it won’t last forever. Thank you for always helping me to see the silver lining.
Sorry you’re hating winter, that’s my issues with moving back there, just don’t know if I could hack it anymore, but you are surrounded by family and that’s the good with the bad. We love it down here but get so-o-o-o lonely for our fams.
On Monday we’ll celebrate my first daughter’s 17th birthday. She was born in St.Paul, MN and it was 12 below zero when we brought her home. I always say that her January birth changed my negative thoughts about winter.Hang in there There’s nothing like snuggling with a warm baby against your chest in the midst of a cold yucky winter…Peace be with you. p.s. I admire your honesty about all of this and the way you summon up the positives.
Penelope, I am sorry you have this struggle. But thanks for sharing it. I long for what was in the pacific northwest sometimes and sometimes I hate the heat here, wishing I was in a place that had more seasons. But I am really working like you to be in the momment appreciate the sun, find the small traces of winter, find the things that are special. Not always easy but very important.
hi penny,
you know i can relate to this. in fact, i have been blue all morning…thinking of our old home and my favorite river. it is hard. i go back and forth. trying so hard to appreciate the now but somehow being sucked under again. i think my struggles involve fear. i have to drive a long distance in the weather and it scares me completely. i am fine with the cold, the gray but it’s this place of fear that makes me dread the day. thank you for this post. i needed it so much. xox
I live in Virginia – much more southern – but still really cold. AND my husband makes us keep the thermostat at 62 degrees. I am constantly cold in my house. :(
But we’ll all get through it. Only a couple more months and spring will be on its way.
What a good job turning the gloom around. It really is all about being in the moment and realizing the joy right there, rather than wanting something different.
perhaps it would be selfish of me to think that you wrote this post just for me, so I won’t. But I did want you to know that I connected with it and it was precisely what I needed to hear.
What a wonderful post!
oh honey how do i agree! i miss florida bunches right now…but then i see the twinies faces when they wake up in the morning to snow! it is a flash back to when i woke up to snow and being so excited…just wait…when your bean sees and feels snow for the first time you’ll be in the moment and will not mind it all that much!