Subscribedowntime, abundance and fear
I have been thinking that I need to start slowing things down a bit to prepare for baby bean’s arrival in February. Just a few weeks of self-care and downtime to center myself before my world gets turned on its end. This requires taking on fewer jobs and fewer obligations. And this is something I’m really really bad at.* I say yes to almost every job that comes in because I’m scared that work will eventually dry up and I’ll regret not taking it all on when it was flowing. And I don’t know how much I’ll be able to do when baby is here. On top of that: Colin’s work situation (he was on a contract with an agency) is coming to an end in January. So I’m a bit nervous about where income will be coming from when the baby arrives. (It’ll be fine. Maybe a blessing so Colin can be with me and baby bean more in the first few months.)
Last week I had a ton of work. Lots of painting, sketching, designing and thinking. And this happened every day for 12 hours a day. And then I worked the weekend too. I paid for this is exhaustion and wicked swollen ankles (the bane of my pregnancy).
I did this in part because everything seemed to be due around the same time. (It always works that way, doesn’t it?) And because I wanted to clear some space for this week to be less intense. I created a list of things I wanted to do when I got some down time, including:
- Read in bed.
- Catch up on downloaded podcasts in bed.
- Listen to my birthing cds in bed.
- Stay in my pjs and stay in bed.
(Lots of bed time with my feet up!)
- Relaxed yoga.
- Meditate (possibly in bed).
- Planning meals that would be good to freeze for when baby gets here.
- Pack my bag for the birth (a little early, I know, but I’d just feel better if it were done).
- Go the library.
- Call my dad back.
- Catch up on a few friend emails.
- Get a massage (I have a gift certificate!)
- Have dinner with a friend.
- Go for a long walk in the woods.
- Sip tea with no time pressure.
- Play scrabble.
Getting to do these things would be awesome. But I took on two new jobs again yesterday without blinking. It’s like a reflex at this point and I actually feel guilty for saying no… like it’s somehow personal. (BUT I did say no to two also and lived with the guilt! Points for lope!)
But I’m thinking maybe I should space out my simple pleasures list instead of trying to have a week or two or three to enjoy them all. I dunno. Just thinking out loud. My gut says to cool it and chill for a while — it would be good for me and the baby. But my head is nervous for all the reasons I stated above. Maybe I should continue to squirrel away my acorns. Or maybe I need to shift my focus to abundance — of both time and stability for the future (even in this scary economy).
How do you make space for downtime? Is it a struggle for you? Or do you just do it and let everyone deal with it? I’m curious.
*I think I’ve blogged about this 7 billion times now. Sorry about that. :(
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Y’know. Scratch all that. I feel like I’m just complaining and that’s gonna get me a big fat nowhere. Let’s roll. Work, downtime, whatever.
Since you have trouble taking time for yourself, instead of trying to block a week, or 2, or 3, why don’t you start by taking a day, and then 2 and then 3. As for not saying no to work because you’re afraid that it will dry up – I don’t know a single freelancer who doesn’t feel that way. I think it’s a common and constant battle to find the right balance between work and time for yourself.
I agree with Jacqueline. Start small and go from there. If you enjoying working, than I don’t see a problem or a need to slow down.
Those first few months the baby sleeps all the time so you can do the slowing down thing then and just take time to cook meals, read or just watch the scenery in between her naps. That way you can establish a routine.
It looks like it is adding more stress trying to slow down than do what you are intending on it doing.
Just don’t think about it so much and do what feels comfortable.
As a mom of a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old, heck yeah I have a problem with down time, especially as I am trying to start a creative career for myself at the same time I am taking care of the kids 24/7
Some of the things I am coming to realize:
I MUST schedule in my downtime. If that’s reading a magazine or surfing on line or taking a walk or laying like a slug on the sofa staring at the ceiling… I must. And I have to schedule it in WITHOUT multi tasking.
Take as much help as I can get (still have trouble with this one.)
Keep a nice to do list, and also a Did Done list, where I give myself credit for things like showering, dressing, eating. and other things.
Make enough food to have healthy leftovers, or buy quick and healthy grab and go food, like hummus and pita.
Having a baby is very tough on you. Give yourself a break… not just in down time, but in your own expectations. Don’t do stuff because people say you should. Remember you are physically recovering.
And as to right now… take your relaxed week, but remember to add in some relaxation to your daily routine.
Sorry I went on so long, but this issue came up for me so many time in the last 4 years or so of pregnancy and childrearing.
My advice, should you want it, is to just try to have even 20 minutes or an hour to yourself a day…and keep it up when the baby comes. It’s best to make it a habit now. It’s taken me 5 months to make that time for myself, but it’s so much better. Relaxed time, or time to do whatever you want, is like gold when the baby comes. That’s not a bad thing. You’ll want to spend every second with your baby when the time comes. However, time to reflect, to think, to read, to meditate, to get out of the house, take a walk…anything…will allow you to collect yourself, calm your spirit, and give you the opportunity to be a better, more patient, mother, worker, and person. Wow, I think I need to take my own advice actually. Best wishes. :)
I don’t think you’re complaining at all…this is good stuff to think about. I struggle with it too. I think when you work for yourself, there are no clear cut boundaries of work and no-work…it’s all in your hands, and that can be tough. I’ll echo what folks on here have said about scheduling in the down time..(should take my own advice here!) I think when I was younger, those moments of free space came naturally, and now that doesn’t seem to happen as much. The holidays are especially a tough time to think about this, when so many extra things are happening..(work-wise and socially.) Good luck! I think it just takes practice. I’m still learning too…
I think that this is a freelancer´s dilemma. Of course you have your pregnancy on top of it, but finding the perfect balance between work and non-work life is just very difficult. Specially if your studio is at home (hmmm, like mine).
Thanks for sharing! (but please do not “cross” the text next time because it makes it so hard to read! ;) And, by the way, it is totally readworthy because… well, it´s my struggle too.)
Good luck and happy holidays!
i think, at the end of the day, it’s what we’re all trying to figure out.
how to find just the right balance.
i read this post earlier today…before you scratched it all out ;-)…
it really struck a chord in me. you’re not alone in how you feel, and that means, neither am i.
one day at a time, beautiful mama.
sending love and hugs to you,
xo
I read your text before it was scratched. Before going to my yoga class. Teacher told us to make a grateful list, like you often do on your blog. I got back to read you again. And, I would like to thank you for your honesty. I am grateful of reading you and knowing that what i feel is felt somewhere else. Grateful for all these wonderful comments with tips to follow. Thank you !
everything will fall into perspective when you have the baby. priorities will be obvious. you wont have to “make” yourself do anything, it will all just “come”. enjoy and trust in your instinct.
doesn’t sound like complaining at all. sounds like many of us feel if we are having babies or not. my boys are 14 and 10 now. i have a small business and can relate to the working as hard as you can and taking on every project that comes your way. fearing the regret of not having done those jobs when times get slow. it’s just plain hard man.
i am trying to be kinder to myself by taking a little time each day to do something good for myself. such as making a healthy meal or going for a walk or stretching, a few moments to take photographs or do something that fills my cup that isn’t what i’m paid to do.
finding balance in all of it is the challenge of life. that grateful dead song comes to mind right now. “when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door”. i don’t believe that’s actually true but i think in general we all struggle with something at any given time.
my best advice while you are this close to your due date is to rest as much as you can, even when your mind/body wants you to work and do.
peace,
meesh